Nov 12, 2025
2 min read
V1: So… Did you hear about what happened down in New Brunswick?
V2: Nope.
[Silence]
V1: Would you… Would you like to know what happened down in New Brunswick?
V2: No.
V1: Okay.
[Beat]
V1: You’re sure you don’t wanna know the happenings recently in New Brunswick?
V2: Oh for the love of god. No! No I do not. Why should you or I give a single shit about New Brunswick?! It’s on the other side of the goddamn city. The odds of us even being nearby is so unlikely. Unless you’re thinking of crossing not one, or two, but three active combat hotspots, sneaking past the police station, AND all the spooky shit lurking in the ruins downtown. So no I do not care about what is happening down in “New Brunswick.”
[Beat]
V1: I mean…
V2: What?!
V1: It’s not that far… And I heard one of those combat zones is actually quiet now.
V2: Oh yeah? And who told you that?
V1: Cedrick!
V2: Bro.
V1: No, no, no, I swear this time, it’s good advice.
V2: Last time we followed Cedrick’s advice we wounded up in the sewers surrounded by a dozen Dreamers.
V1: And we were fine! They were nice!
V2: They were blind! And they had mold or moss-
V1: I think it was lichen-
V2: Sure! Fine! They had lichen growing all over their fucking faces. They looked like zombies dude. I don’t want to go on some Cedrick side quest to New fucking Brunswick just to get abducted by clowns or chased by fish people.
V1: I told you man, those fish rumors are-
V2: Fishy. I know. But I’ve heard enough of them that I’m pretty certain there are fish people in Palmyra, and the fact that you’re not more disturbed by that is very upsetting.
[Beat]
V1: Almost as upsetting as what‘s happening in New Brunswick…
V2: Oh lord have mercy.
V1: It’s a tragedy!
V2: I swear on all that is light and holy, I will smite you as soon as we’re off watch duty.
V1: C’mon, you’re not even a little curious?
V2: No. I’m not. And the more you want to tell me, the less I want to know. All you’ve thrown at me tonight are red flags. Cedrick, New Brunswick, fake fish people. It’s too much! I’m turning off my radio.
V1: Hey man, no! What if there is a real problem and I need to call you?
V2: I dunno! Maybe Cedrick can help you.
V1: Well, I don’t see how that’s likely, he’s stuck in New Brunswick-
V2: OH. MY. GOD.
V1: Y’know, it’s just really a tragedy…
V2: I’m turning off my walkie for the rest of the shift. If monsters eat your face, I dunno, I’d say nice knowing you, but it wasn’t. I hope you die and you and Cedrick haunt New Brunswick for all eternity. Good bye.