Conspiracy

Jake: Y'know what I think it is? I think it's aliens.

Kay: What?

Jake: C'mon man. The Flash.

Kay: Okay... Why?

Jake: I think they're softening us up. Like, the Flash and all this weird shit that's been happening? That's their weapon. It makes us panic, and turn on each other, and weakens us up. That way, by the time they arrive we just roll over and die. No big fight, no Independence Day, just a slow painful death.

Kay: Are they invading us? Like do they want our natural resources or something?

Jake: No. There's nothing here that they'd want. I think they see us shooting rockets into space and shit, and they don't want any other sentient life in the galaxy. So they wait a couple years, and if they notice anyone trying to leave their home planet, BAM! A bunch of flashes all across the globe. That'll teach those pesky humans to think about space.

Kay: But dude, there's only been one Flash. In Palmyra. No where else.

Jake: No where else that we know of! When was the last time you got reliably news from outside the city?

Kay: Whoaaaa. There could be a bunch of Palmyra's right now...

Jake: That's what I'm saying! I bet Washington, New York, Tokyo, Moscow, all the big places have been hit.

Kay: Do you think they hit every city? 'Cos like, Palmyra isn't that big. Why would they hit here first?

Jake: Well that's the beauty of it man. Y'know what we have that no one else does?

Kay: Uhhh-

Jake: Dude, the particle collider. They saw all the shit those Kurdizov lab coats were up to, and that was the warning shot. "Stop now, or else."

Kay: So, maybe there haven't been other flashes yet?

Jake: Naw. Humans are too petty. I bet everyone saw what was happening here, and now they're building crazy ships and arming a bunch of nukes.

Kay: Noooo! That means the aliens are gonna bomb us!

Jake: That's right dude. They're gonna bomb us. But we're gonna be alright. Because we've already been through this shit! We know how to fuck up flesh cubes, and fry fish people.

Kay: Well... In theory though, right? Like we're not actually gonna go mess with the flesh cubes, right?

Jake: N0, no, no. But we've seen what they can do- Like you remember that guy we found caught up in those cobweb things? All covered in those little spores?

Kay: Ugh. Yeah.

Jake: Well, bam. Don't touch the cob webs. Don't touch anything if you can help it. It's all weird.

Kay: Right. But like, does that mean we're eventually gonna run out of food and stuff?

Jake: Kay, buddy. No. With everyone gone, we can just keep going house to house and grabbing all the canned goods, and pre-packed meals we can find. That's the beauty of America- There's so much processed shit, we could live to the end of our natural lives just going from house to house.