Flesh Cubes - 1.022.0204.48723

Hey Vern,

I'm not doing too hot, eh? I think I-

[Sighs]

I think I inhaled something nasty in that store. I'm giving you a call because all that stuff we got? You gotta dump it. It's no good. I know you're gonna be tempted to eat it, I mean we picked up some good shit. But I'm serious, dump it.

Do you remember when we was little? Used to go down to the docks and get ice cream at... Oh what's that shop called? The one with the creepy mascot?

Y'know, the one we always made all the funny voices for.

[In deep cartoonish baritone]

I'm Mr. Squeezy or whatever, and the flavor of the day is grasshopper!

[Chuckles]

I was thinking about how we's use to flick icecream at the cutout on the window, and it had those real nasty stains, just layers and layers of melted icecream.

[Chuckles]

I remember once, you were probably too young to remember- I dared this kid, Antonio, dared him to lick up those ice cream splatter. Think I even said I'd give him a fiver if he did. He did it, fuckin' funny guy. But he came down with a nasty flu- Which I always thought was kinda weird because it was the middle of the summer. And I thought, "Damn, that's a real shame. Nothing worse than being sick in the summer." Well, let you me tell you this, Vern. I'm sick.

And it's hot. It's real hot in my shitbox apartment. And the AC sure as fuck ain't working. But it's one of those hots where I don't think it's so much outside, as it is me. But it's making everything miserable.

[Pause]

It was an accident. I didn't mean to do it, y'know? But when we were in the back, loading up those boxes full of cans and shit, I was getting really tired from picking them up, and putting them down, then picking them back up again. And my glove kept slipping, I couldn't get a good grip with it. So I took it off, and I was carrying a box around the corner- And I brushed one of those cobweb things. At first, I thought it was just a hair, or some dust. I try and wipe it off, but then my knuckles start burning. Like they'd been stung by something.

And a second later, the fingers on my other hand started to burn too, like I'd spread the fire by touching it. It fuckin' hurts, but I'm a big boy. So I put my glove back on, making sure I didn't touch my face or nothin' else, and I pick my box up again- After dropping the fucking thing like five fucking times. And I'm heading back to the truck, when I turn the corner, and I see one of them. I know you told me about them, Vern. Said you saw one on a run a couple weeks back. But fuck. I was picturing something like a block of tofu, but this- This was...

[Haggared breathing, pause.]

It was just floating there, kinda bobbing in the air. I took a step back, and it jerks towards me. It didn't have eyes- I mean it's a fucking chunk of meat, but I could tell- It was looking at me. So, I take another step back, a little slower this time. Thinking, surely, it musta heard me or something. But I'm still holding this box, and my glove is slipping, and my fingers are really fucking burning. And now, to make matters worse, I'm getting sweaty! Even though it's cold! I can't fucking take it anymore, so I throw the box of cans towards the fucking thing.

Well, I guess I still got my good throwing arm, 'cos the box hits the square mother fucker right in it's center, and the thing goes flying, and it hits the wall. It sticks there for a second, then just fucking falls to the floor, with this sick wet thud. I'm standing there thinking, "Maybe I killed the thing, right?"

Nope. Just my fucking luck. It's laying "face down" on the ground, but it's... Moving. Just a little. Kinda like it's breathing, or maybe trembling? The thing about these meat cubes, right? They're not smooth like your tofus. They got... I dunno, folds? Just like layers and layers of skin all pressed in and pushed together.

Like you put a person through a trash compactor, right? Well, it's doing this shuddering thing, and I take a step closer to get a better look. I notice this awful fucking arm thing hanging off it, like an unformed limb, and it's kinda wiggling at me? Well, the things fucking nasty, so I give it a kick. And it just slides across the floor, like it's an empty box! No weight to it. But right as I kick it, it fuckin' sprays me, like a skunk. This thick, nasty-smelling cloud.

Vern, it was so thick, I could fucking see it. Well, I opened my mouth like an idiot. And yeah. I think it gave me the sick. I'm hoping this isn't anything bad. I'm trying to work up the courage to go to Rosie's, but I really don't know if I can make it anymore. I'm tired. And that stinging feeling on my knuckles? It's up my armpit now. It comes and goes- but I can always feel it, just below the skin. That tofu mother fucker stung me with it's web, and then sprayed me.

[Sighs]

I'm an idiot. I wasn't being careful. But hey, you were always a lot smarter than me. Don't go back to that supermarket. It's bunk, a bust, no good.

[Coughs]

You stay safe out there, Vern. Imma try to get some help. Hopefully I see you soon... Call me back.

[Call Ends]